You came like a storm inside of me and stayed there for nine months . 39 weeks and 3 days you have been swimming in my sea . You transformed every day of my life and made me feel needed. I had no choice if I want or not. I had to live so that you live.
You imposed on me the wisdom of simplicity . That's why I called you a wise baby.I didn’t know if you're female or male . I knew you are coming to bring everything upside down . To remind me the beauty of life . Your brother came on the New Year's Eve four years ago . My body and my soul suffered any intervention possible. We tried to get him to come out ... I gave birth to your brother through violence and disrespect . And I was afraid of becoming a mother again. Until you came...
And the hour of your birth was there . Love waves were coming all week long . I was walking sensing you coming down more and more . Saturday lunchtime. I put sheets in the pool . I made the pillows on the bed . Gazing across the almond tree . Last time as pregnant. I was trying to guess how you would like to reach. Saturday night came along. The waves of love became more intense . I was very happy that the great time was coming. Elda arrived at 18:00 . I quarrelled with Elda telling her that my body cannot give birth again . She told me to accept my nature and that my body can give birth very easily! Acrobating between humility and arrogance . I asked her to check the dilation. Dilation 3 and cervix hard . Heartbrokenness again .And the midwife left . It is too early yet ... Again I took the role of desperate .
Pain grew stronger . Remember . The captain of this ship is you. I ran to the bedroom and closed the door behind me . I asked everyone not to bother me and I laid down . I lit the blue light of Mother Mary .I asked forgiveness from anyone I have ever hurt . I concentrated to all people I remembered .I put my heart to drop anchor of love in the heart of every one . I liked this idea of Robin Lim. The midwife of my soul . Your angel is this midwife my little one. She told me to unite with my heart when words are meaningless. Asked my muscles and my body to get empty of any intensity and stress.I asked my body to cooperate.I brought in my mind all the women I helped in childbirth. I coordinated with them . And all the doulas and midwives who stood by me in pregnancy . I had no fear. I was sure I can manage. I put music . What a beautiful room that was ...Like a temple of birth ! I was running to fix the pillows on the gaps between contractions . I was running to fill the pool and back before the next wave of love . I walked in and immediately felt the tension growing. I remembered M.Oden saying not enter before dilation 6. How much is my dilation I wondered... I have as much as necessary for my body and my baby . I started analyzing the waves . There is NO pain . It IS only waves that lead me into my baby’s arms . At the same time the baby is attracted to me . - I loved the waves with all the strength of my soul . Do not be afraid ! Do not go against , go together ... I started breathing deeply . I attempted to bring equal my breath with the duration of each contraction.
The waves were getting higher and felt exhausted . I came out of the water and walked . It become unbearable pain . If I move it is much better. I took the shower and Dimitris threw warm water on my back . I'll turn it into joy . I started to make various sounds . Tried what suits me , what a relief . Step by step discovered my body . The only way in which my own unique body functions . I realized the symbolism of the labyrinth ... Ancient Greek mythology . How much beauty and how much wisdom contained ...
I reentered the pool. I felt increased intensity . I started to cry with spasms. Perched on the lap of Dimitri. He took the complaint . But why so much pain . Tears dripping in the water in the pool . It's so liberating.I felt braking bars in my heart .I experienced a beautiful moment of absolute pain ... Soon I will see my child , what a great happiness .
Of to go out of the pool .I wiped my body before the next contraction . Seeking a blouse quickly . An there comes a strong contraction . I flied on the pillows . Do not have time . We must concentrate on the wave . I did not rise properly in my board , my breathing was shorted that the contraction .A huge whirlpool got me down .I got in a vortex and crushed . The breath is my board . Endlessly ,I should breathe deeply and firmly regardless contraction. I need to be concentrated, fully immersed in a deep breath . Yes but the contraction is longer than any of my breaths. Quick inhalation and catch two maybe three lengthy exhalations . Yes I did it . The wave was tall. Stayed over it with three breaths ... thanks ~ ~ Francoise Freedman (perinatal yoga), Uma Dismore Tulli (mothers breath). - Do not forget it does not hurt . I am blessed to experience and love each wave . I remembered the hands in Giouditta’s book . I had an audible image in my mind . Two hands open my pelvis wide . The baby glides with ease in opening. It doesnt hurt - its only a pelvis stretching .I felt myself almost sensual .I yelled within me. Out of me I was totally silent . I Dig my head into the pillows until the next swell . I wanted to enjoy the lull . I thought I'd put more specific music . Some sounds felt tiring . Quickly popped on my mobile and I made a quick list . I did not want to play anything else. These seemed very loud waves . At the same time If felt tired . I very strongly wanted to sleep . I focused on the enchanting music of the flute . Resonated deeply into every note and felt to fly. I had lost the details of time/space around me . I do not remember where I flied , how long it lasted and what happened. But I remember the vastness of happiness inside me . Like somewhere in paradise . Then , a veil of oblivion dropped . Although I think it only lasted two minutes felt like eternity . Along came the next wave and my God what a joy ! I felt something unprecedented ! A break and a keen downloading . What great beauty of the unknown . This absolute silence absolute loneliness in the human miracle . I feel that I am a strong female . Confident and proud . I let nature flow through me . I am a primitive woman. In a modern devastating society . There was not one second of fear or concern.
I did all the breaths that spontaneously burst on my lips . Becoming flute and after a while a lioness . After a ssss like a snake and then mmm of pleasure .then I retrieved from my body . Leave them alone , baby and my body alone. To complete the process . Somewhere lost in the universe I heard the voice of Dimitri - It's Elda .
- Elntoula here Comes My Baby. I wanted to scream but I had no voice. I do not know if i was ever heard . An intense pressure starting to drift . I gave up completely. I can push it , but I do not want . As a missile thrown from inside of me without me pushing. Sometimes it came out loud and pulled inward. After a while like not progressing at all. Dont rush at the end. I came a bit dubious, wondering what to do . But I am sure I am to the exit of the labyrinth .
- WE WILL see each other soon . Then...I feel the pressure in the supreme.On the next contraction I felt my baby's head . A body slides out of me what happiness !
- Should I push ...?
No - no rush . Besides, Elda does not tell me to do so. I am probably to the right track
In the next wave of love the hands came out. One after the other. And then a tiny little body . Slipped through my body .Dropped on the mattress . Endorphins , oxytocin and all the hormones of love of dance around me. I wanted a little moment before I get my baby to cuddle . I fell on the pillows . It was like I was giving birth forever. Like I gave birth to myself . The vanity met humility and shattered . I got up immediately . I took the baby in my hands . I'm happy . Simply and strongly. I didn't know the sex. It is a boy again